Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The beer is more important than you right now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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