she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Even my vagina gasped.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
