You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
