I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
