Whod you bang
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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