Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
