I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
