I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
