I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
