i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
