I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
