It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
