You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
