oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
high people should be assigned attendants
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
