Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
