i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
