They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
