I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
