guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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