a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
