If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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