We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
