hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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