There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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