Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
