Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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