he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
