he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
