I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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