We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
