Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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