I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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