Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize