I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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