So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
