her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
