I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
