Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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