I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I would ride that face into the sunset
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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