i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
