You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
