advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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