My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
