i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
