There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
