i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
