I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
