Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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