You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
