you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
