A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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