bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
