Just took my morning after pill in the library
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
