somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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