I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love you.
Bad choice
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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