he shaved USA in his pubs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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