You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
