at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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