who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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