so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
