did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
