Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dear god my vagina.
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