I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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