I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
