I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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