Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
