I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
