The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i now understand why vodka
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
