i barfeds in our rink
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
