my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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