There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
